It is hard not to fall into this trap.
Many of us feel that our children’s behavior is a reflection of our parenting skills.
The truth is though there are many factors that contribute to why children and adults act the way they do. Yes, parenting skills are a factor but there are many others as well.
Innate temperament is a huge influence.
Developmental age and stage, birth order, gender; these are just a few of the other things that also contribute.
I remember when my middle son was younger and he pulled other children’s hair.
I would apologize profusely to the child and the parent and I felt as if I had engaged in that behavior. I felt the range of emotions including shame and embarassment.
I then carried it around inside of me feeling bad and guilty. It was definitely not a productive thought process.
Yes we are affected by our children’s behavior but there’s a difference between being affected by it and acting as if we did it ourselves. FInd that balance for yourself. Be aware of the difference.
The awareness of this as your child grows will save you so much emotional pain and upset and allow you to parent more effectively. These other emotions can cloud our ability to see situations objectively.
It will still be tough to process your child’s behavior, but it will not play on your soul as if you engaged in the behavior yourself.
Keep in mind that your child’s behavior when they are young is not necessarily indicative of their behavior when they are older and grow and mature.
Conscious parenting always helps to keep us emotionally protected on some level as knowledge is power.