Being Alone Versus Being Lonely

alone4There is a really big difference between being alone and being lonely. Sometimes a person can feel the loneliest in a crowded room surrounded by people. Sometimes a person in a partnership relationship can feel like the are all alone on a deserted island. Feeling lonely really doesn’t have that much to do with being around people.

Being alone is different. Some people have a really hard time being alone. Some people can’t do it at all. I know many grown adults that if their partner goes away overnight will pack it up and go stay at a friend’s house.

It is so important to be able to be alone. It doesn’t have to be a lot but a person needs to feel comfortable enough in their own skin to be by themselves completely and still be at peace.

Are you able to be alone? I actually like being alone. I can be totally content staying home by myself to putter around and do my own thing,

It didn’t used to be that way at all. I felt “better”, “safer”, “calmer”, however yu want to describe it if someone was around. I didn’t even need to be right next to that person. They could be in a room with the door closed but just knowing they were there, made me feel better.

Then due to life craziness and parenting three children by myself, I needed to address my own issues. I needed to make myself whole so I could be there for my children. It is amazing how children can motivate us to change just based on the love that we have for them.

As far as loneliness, I had to address that too. I think the loneliest time of my life was being in a relationship that wasn’t good for me. Here I was with a partner but I felt like it was me against the world.

It is actually a good barometer of a relationship. If you feel alone more than you feel like are connected, than it is a flag. Now that I am in the right relationship, I never feel lonely. I know in my heart and soul that I am not alone anymore.

The irony of it all is one has to learn how to be at peace with being alone before they can really find a relationship where they will not be lonely!

Sounds funny to write but it really is true.

Now think about your own life and your own alone and loneliness barometer. Take a moment to think about i you need to make adjustments. This one reflection might be the beginning of major change in your life.

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  1. Hey Kim,
    love your blog….
    I remember having similar conversations over tea.. 🙂

    what can one do when they feel more comfortable alone than with others.
    I have worked with the ‘public ‘ most of my working life..
    I rather be home with my dogs. most the time! I would love to have a partner I’m my life. but afraid I might have been alone too long! thoughts?


    1. Hi Dee!
      I remember those conversations too!
      Here’s what I think….if you are truly happier, at peace and do not feel a sense of loneliness if you are not in a relationship, than there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.
      The question is do you truly feel happier not in a relationship or does it just feel too overwhelming to even think about engaging in that process?
      That is what you should be thinking about to decide what is right for you.
      I hope this helps a little bit and I wish you lived closer! You will always own a special place in my heart.
      XO Kim


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